Frustrated. Trying to stay motivated.

I’ve literally been asking God, if I’m being punished going in the wrong direction.  I’m devastated confused.  Sometimes, you are going in the right direction and there are tons of obstacles to build character and prepare you for the position you’re achieving.  Other times, there are road blocks because you are going in the wrong direction.  I’m hurting; my spirit needs to do more than survive.  I’m constantly being challenged; emotionally, mentally, financially and physically.  I’m disappointed.  Nothing is ever all good.  It’s like, “have this freshly grilled steak with all the trimmings, served on a filthy trashcan lid.”  On one hand, I have so many amazing opportunities.  On another, I’ve got some struggles that make it challenging to be present in gratitude.Frustrated

So much good has happened I feel guilty and ungrateful that I’m sad.  This blog feels dramatic.  I am still ashamed of owning my feelings and talking about how I feel.  I struggle with my sense of self worth.

I am grateful. I am afraid.  I am tired.  I just want something to work out completely without stipulations or manipulations.  I hate when I have to make a decision and I don’t like any of the choices.  I am praying for better choices.

I am praying for freedom spiritually, artistically and physically.  I am praying for better health.  I am praying for more light, more love and more support.  I am grateful for the people who hug me with the intent of lifting my spirit.  I am grateful the people who look at me and see me.  I am grateful for laughter and this air condition.  I am grateful for being able to finally type on one of my laptops.

I am grateful being here in this moment, writing and filling blank pages.  I am grateful for the freedom to speak my truth.  I am grateful for those who read me.  I am grateful for those who love me.  I am grateful for friendships without competition.  I am grateful for honesty.  I am grateful always being able to grow from every situation.  I am grateful for discernment.  I am grateful for connection.  I am grateful for being chosen to do the work I will manifest.  I am grateful for productivity.  I am grateful for a spirit of determination.  I am grateful for dreams that are hope.  I am grateful to still be hopeful.  I am grateful I am heard.  I am grateful to be in a space of learning to know and articulate my needs.  I am grateful to be curious.  I am grateful to love a creative challenge.  I am grateful for all the places I’ve been that taught me where I needed and want to be.

I am praying for my clarity.  I am praying for clearer answers. I am praying for a path of light in this dark place.

I am grateful I am loved.

I am grateful I am light.

I am grateful that I have am everything I need to be.

I am grateful that I have everything I need.

I am grateful that I am who I am.

I am grateful.


One thought on “Frustrated. Trying to stay motivated.

  1. I love this Nik. And believe me, I hear you. In this era ofpositivety at any costs so many people are faking joy for fear of falling thier real emotions wondering if it will create more of the same. Its a delicate balance Nik and it hasn’t necessarily been easy for any of Us. I hope you feel better babe. You are sooo talented and your voice is needed.


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